what if i prayed more?
recently i realized that when i pray, whether long or short, i need to serve God with all my heart. to me part of that means being willing to die.
OIL 2005 is coming up and i pray to death that everyone in my SG would go. this is part of a comment that i wrote to one of my members. i am scared that they may take it the wrong way.
i am confused about what's going on in your life right now...you dont have enough money to go to OIL, but you're considering going to Canada or Florida? or your parents dont want to you go on a religious retreat, but they will let you go all over the US and world? maybe you're leaving stuff out that i dont know about. you've told our small group that you want to grow, i'm just hoping that you are making wise and discerning choices that take steps toward that goal.
it's taken me over an hour of writing, hesitating and prayer to send this comment. i pray to God that you would not take this the wrong way. i do not want to be another person annoying you or pressuring you to go to OIL. these are my convictions and I WILL NOT THINK OF YOU ANY LESS OR DIFFERENTLY NO MATTER WHAT YOU CHOOSE.
to me, OIL is cheap (not because i have much money, i DEFINITELY do not) for "3 all expenses paid days in lovely Penn, food and housing included for well less than $200 ($120/$140 + $40 caravan + $10 t-shirt)?!" [with my most crazy positive-sarcasmistic travel salesperson voice]. from a spiritual point of view, about 1000+ college aged students praising God with all their hearts, "Joining others in worshipping and praising God, giving Him all our heart?! Praise God for the time we live in!!"
you know what? i'd really like you to pray and ask your parents and God about it and get back to me. I AM WILLING TO PAY FOR OIL FOR YOU IF THAT IS WHAT IT IS GOING TO TAKE FOR YOU TO BE ABLE GO.
have you ever so feared something that when it finally happens you dont know why you were scared or hesitant? i'm still like that about many things pertaining to church and God, but i am always reminded of past blessings. i am scared to submit this comment, but in faith, God will do what He wills. another thing i remember someone who i really looked up to telling me went something along the lines of "whenever i dont feel like doing something spiritual, that Satan is winning." the Devil is trying to convince me with all of his powers to turn away from God. one of the things Satan is called is the Advocate; he will lie, cheat and decieve me with my weaknesses at my weakest times. we live in a spiritual world and we are spiritual beings. we're not perfect, but we're getting there because God is working in our lives whether we see it or not. God wants us to win.
i didnt go to OIL until my 4th year in college. i honestly was scared to go. i thought i wasnt a good enough Christian to go to a retreat like that (from the stories and testimonies i heard). but my senior year i thought to myself, "this is my last chance and my last year in college. i still feel like i dont have a purpose or calling in my life. i've heard so many stories about this retreat, i'll check it out. if i dont like it, i'll never have to go again." i dont know if you remember me sharing, but OIL 2003 was the most amazing experience i have ever had with God up to that point. maybe you're thinking i'm hyping it up, but why would i do that? i would be scared of the consequences for lying in that manner. i am just saying what happened. i remember the first two days my heart was all over the place (back and forth; i liked a lot, and i questioned why i was there). the last day i had an undescribable experience with God. that brief moment was enough to call me to return the following year. and last year was so much more amazing that i'm gonna go again this year and am praying for you to go.
12/10/2004 7:17am
i wanna get a scanner so i can show you my King's Club kids on Easter. it's so much easier with a digital camera, but either way, i'm still too poor.
Matthew 23
13"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the kingdom of heaven in men's faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to.
15"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when he becomes one, you make him twice as much a son of hell as you are.
16"Woe to you, blind guides! You say, 'If anyone swears by the temple, it means nothing; but if anyone swears by the gold of the temple, he is bound by his oath.' 17You blind fools! Which is greater: the gold, or the temple that makes the gold sacred? 18You also say, 'If anyone swears by the altar, it means nothing; but if anyone swears by the gift on it, he is bound by his oath.' 19You blind men! Which is greater: the gift, or the altar that makes the gift sacred? 20Therefore, he who swears by the altar swears by it and by everything on it. 21And he who swears by the temple swears by it and by the one who dwells in it. 22And he who swears by heaven swears by God's throne and by the one who sits on it.
23"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices--mint, dill and cummin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law--justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. 24You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.
25"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. 26Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.
27"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men's bones and everything unclean. 28In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.
29"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You build tombs for the prophets and decorate the graves of the righteous. 30And you say, 'If we had lived in the days of our forefathers, we would not have taken part with them in shedding the blood of the prophets.' 31So you testify against yourselves that you are the descendants of those who murdered the prophets. 32Fill up, then, the measure of the sin of your forefathers!
33"You snakes! You brood of vipers! How will you escape being condemned to hell? 34Therefore I am sending you prophets and wise men and teachers. Some of them you will kill and crucify; others you will flog in your synagogues and pursue from town to town. 35And so upon you will come all the righteous blood that has been shed on earth, from the blood of righteous Abel to the blood of Zechariah son of Berekiah, whom you murdered between the temple and the altar. 36I tell you the truth, all this will come upon this generation.
37"O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing. 38Look, your house is left to you desolate. 39For I tell you, you will not see me again until you say, 'Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.' "
i will not block others' way to heaven.
i will not make others into sons and daughters of hell, twice what i am.
i will not distort God's Word into my law to benefit myself.
i will not practice religion forgetting what is important.
i will not correct others with religion, forgetting what is important.
i will not practice religion all the while forgetting You.
i have, am and continue to hide my sin.
i have, am and continue to kill You.
i am willing because You love me and call me.
Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.
